It’s a fact; a person with ADHD is hard to love. You never know what to say. It’s like walking through a minefield. You tiptoe around; unsure which step (or word) will be the one that sets off an explosion of emotion. It’s something you try to avoid.
That’s the first paragraph of my viral article. Some people were offended by it, but most appreciated it. I think it was freeing to admit. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your loved ones. It means that at times- depending upon how often and severe the situations occur- life tests the limits of your love; especially if the person has ADHD, addiction, anxiety, or depression.
As hard as you try, you can’t make people clean and sober. You can’t make depressed people smile. And you can’t slow down an anxious person’s heart rate.
Of course, you still love them but your own fear, anxiety, and anger can overshadow your loving feelings.
Let’s face it, we all get on each other’s nerves sometimes.
We get angry. Our feelings are hurt. We don’t get what we want. People disappoint us. We get upset because we can’t control other people. We can’t make our children do what we want them to. We’re frustrated, exhausted, and stressed out. That’s life. It’s reality.
I don’t have a hard time saying that people with ADHD are hard to love. I know I’m hard to love sometimes. When two people coming together with different history, emotional baggage, and perspectives; there’s definitely going to be conflict. You may be a lovable person, but when situations happen, you might be hard to love (or live with someone who is).
We don’t agree, butt heads, scream and fight, and sometimes it gets ugly. That’s normal. But when ADHD is in the picture, everything is worse. It happens more often and each incident is harder to recover from (than in non-ADHD relationships).
And if you’re the one without ADHD, we know that our behavior tests the limits of your love for us. As time goes by, if these events of anger, frustration, and disappointment are not resolved; love changes. That’s what you want to avoid.
The only solution – the way to bring you back to lovingness… is to concentrate on the good.
Make a mental list of everything you love about that person. Because when we’re frustrated, angry, or hurt you forget about love. Negative feelings magnify and overshadow all the good. If you’re the one with ADHD, your magnification systems are more intense. You hurt harder. Your thoughts are darker. And every emotion is more intense. You have to PAUSE, give your emotions time to settle, and always remember that this is a temporary feeling. You can forgive. You can resolve, and you can work on self-improvement. ADHD does not have to destroy your love for each other. You have to put in a little extra effort but it’s worth it.
And don’t forget to check out my new eBook and workbook… THE PAUSE. It will teach you how to create a mental space between your emotions and your reactions so that you can have more positive outcomes in your life.
Note: I write about adult ADHD. My content is not applicable for parents with young children.