Once there was a wise man. Every night on his way home, he would think about his day: the people he spoke to, the problems he had to deal with, and the situations that remained unresolved. Naturally, he was consumed with his own thoughts and experiences.
Every night when he arrived at his home, he did not go into his house. He sat outside the door for five minutes. He took time to take the focus off himself.
He thought about his wife. How was her day? What problems did she manage? What situations remained in her mind that were unresolved? What was stressing her out?
Of course, he didn’t have the answers to these questions. How would he know what his wife went through? He didn’t need the answers. He needed to stop thinking about himself. He needed to realize that his wife also went through her own situations, problems, and stressful experiences.
Five minutes was all he needed to move away from his negative thoughts that could have triggered an unhappy evening. He could have easily walked in feeling cranky, barking at every word his wife spoke.
Imagine how his wife felt when he walked in the door thinking only of her.
You can create magic or misery.
If you just take a few minutes out of each day (to move your thoughts away from your own experiences) to see that someone you love is also going through his/her own experiences- you have the power to make someone feel that they are important too. We never know how someone else perceives the events of their own day, but if we just take time to realize that things did occur, the situation looks a lot better than it did before. The evening will be calmer and oh, so much happier.
When people feel that they are important to each other, they feel loved.
3 simple steps to practice:
1) Take five minutes to stop thinking about yourself. Think about the person you are coming home to, talking to or meeting.
2) What problems did he/she have to deal with today?
3) What problems remain unsolved that could be causing him/her stress?
This lesson is an exercise in compassion. Realize that other people are also going through struggles of their own.
These 3 simple thoughts can make your evening fabulous (or miserable).
It just takes a few minutes to stop and think about somebody else. Everything isn’t about only you.
Try it and let me know what it works out for you.
Any comments? Let’s talk about it.
I don’t think it’s enough to suggest to men that they “think about” or “consider” these things.
Women are FORCED to consider these kinds of things; the consequences if they don’t is that the world pretty much beats up and abandons them for being “bad” wives/daughters/mothers/girlfriends/sisters/friends.
But men need to be encouraged to let these “reflections” ACTUALLY AFFECT THEIR BEHAVIOR, once they’ve “thought” about them.
Otherwise nothing changes, and the relationships are the same as before.
(Not that any of them – men – would even be reading this piece; I’ve seen enough “coaches” and “advocates” get defensive about what’s pretty much an ADHD-“industry”-wide, as well as society-wide, failure to educate men about these kinds of things on the grounds that “they’re not as coachable” (I understand that for business reasons, that’s why you as coaches justify not trying, but if your “business” is touted as anything resembling “enhancing human relationships”, that stance — that “men aren’t as coachable” stance — fails on pretty much every moral or ethical ground I can think of.)
Hi again,
I believe that everyone is coachable. Coaching is successful when the client is willing to do the work, and in finding the right coach.